How to Talk to Nursery About Your Child’s Sleep

Sleep needs vary enormously from one child to another, and they do not always change according to a predictable timetable.

Age-based sleep guides can be helpful, but they are starting points rather than precise targets. One child may continue to thrive with a daytime nap, while another of exactly the same age may sleep better, feel happier and function more effectively once that nap is shortened or removed. NHS guidance similarly recognises that families need to find the right balance between daytime naps and night-time sleep for their individual child.

This can become more complicated when your child attends nursery. Nurseries need routines that work safely and practically for a group of children, while parents see how sleep affects their child across the entire day and night.

Neither perspective tells the whole story. The best solution usually comes from combining what nursery staff observe during the day with what parents see at home.

When might it be worth starting a conversation?

You might consider speaking to nursery if you notice that your child:

• is taking much longer to fall asleep at night;

• has begun waking for long periods overnight;

• regularly seems tired, irritable or emotional;

• struggles to wake in the morning;

• appears to need a nap but is not being offered one;

• sleeps well on non-nursery days but differently on nursery days; or

• is getting significantly more or less total sleep than before.

A nap is not automatically the problem, or the solution. Research suggests that daytime sleep, particularly a longer or later nap, can delay bedtime for some children. However, removing a nap too early can also leave a child overtired.

The aim is therefore not simply to secure “more sleep” or “less sleep”. It is to understand how sleep is distributed across the full 24 hours and whether the current pattern is working for your child.

1. Collect some evidence first

Before approaching nursery, spend at least a week recording what is happening.

Note:

• when your child wakes in the morning;

• the timing and length of any naps;

• when the bedtime routine begins;

• when your child actually falls asleep;

• any significant night waking;

• their mood and energy during the day; and

• any differences between nursery and non-nursery days.

Also write down the specific changes that concern you. Rather than saying, “The nap is ruining bedtime”, you might note:

“On nursery days, she naps for 90 minutes and usually falls asleep after 10 pm. On days without a nap, she falls asleep at around 7.30 pm and wakes in a better mood.”

This gives everyone something tangible to discuss and makes the conversation feel less like a criticism of the nursery routine.

2. Ask nursery what they are seeing

Arrange a conversation with your child’s key person or regular caregiver rather than trying to resolve the issue during a rushed drop-off.

Begin by asking for their observations:

• How easily does your child fall asleep at nursery?

• Do they appear genuinely tired before the nap?

• Do staff need to wake them?

• How are they after sleeping?

• What happens if they do not sleep?

• Are there particular times when their mood or concentration changes?

Their observations may reinforce what you are seeing at home, but they may also reveal something different. For example, a child who appears exhausted after lunch may be tired because they slept poorly the previous night—not necessarily because they still require a long daytime nap.

The Early Years Foundation Stage framework places importance on providers working in partnership with parents and carers, so approaching the discussion as a shared investigation is entirely reasonable.

3. Suggest a trial, not a permanent demand

Sleep is individual, so it is often impossible to know whether a change will help until it has been tried consistently.

Rather than asking nursery to make an immediate permanent change, suggest a trial of around two weeks. Depending on the situation, this might involve:

• shortening the nap;

• offering the nap earlier;

• waking your child at an agreed time;

• replacing sleep with quiet rest;

• offering a nap only when clear signs of tiredness are present; or

• temporarily reinstating a nap if your child appears unable to manage without one.

Framing the change as a trial can make it feel more manageable for everyone:

“Could we try limiting the nap to 30 minutes for two weeks and compare what you see at nursery with what we see at home?”

A trial also recognises that the parents’ first theory may not be correct. If the change makes things worse, that is still valuable information.

4. Keep the rest of the routine consistent

To judge whether the change has helped, try to keep other elements of the routine reasonably stable during the trial.

Where possible, maintain:

• a consistent morning wake time;

• an agreed nap opportunity and duration;

• a predictable bedtime routine; and

• similar routines on nursery and non-nursery days.

Bedtime itself may need to move. A child who stops napping may temporarily require an earlier bedtime, while a child who has restarted a necessary nap may manage a slightly later one.

Do not expect perfection. Illness, teething, travel, developmental changes and unusually busy days can all affect sleep. Look for the overall pattern rather than judging the trial by one difficult night.

5. Review the results together

At the end of the trial, compare notes.

Consider:

• Is your child falling asleep more easily?

• Has total sleep increased or decreased?

• Has night waking changed?

• How is their mood at home?

• What are staff observing at nursery?

• Are they coping with activities and transitions?

• Is the new routine practical and sustainable?

The best outcome may not be a simple choice between “nap” and “no nap”. It could be a shorter nap, a rest period or different arrangements on particularly tiring days.

Practical alternatives nursery may be able to offer

Every setting has different staffing, space and safeguarding requirements, but possible solutions might include:

• quiet play, books or puzzles while other children sleep;

• resting on a mat without an expectation to fall asleep;

• joining an older group for part of the sleep period;

• using a separate calm area where this can be safely supervised;

• limiting the nap to an agreed duration;

• moving the nap earlier in the day;

• offering flexibility after an unusually poor night;

• allowing a younger child to sleep with another appropriate group if they still need a morning nap; or

• creating an individual sleep plan that is reviewed regularly.

Any arrangement must remain consistent with the setting’s safeguarding procedures and safer-sleep policy. For babies and younger children in particular, safety must always take priority over attempts to alter a schedule. Current Department for Education guidance, developed with The Lullaby Trust, provides specific expectations for safer sleep within early years settings.

Language that can help

Try to keep the conversation focused on curiosity and shared goals.

Instead of:

“You need to stop letting him sleep.”

Try:

“We have noticed that he is now struggling to fall asleep at night. Could we look together at whether the length of the nursery nap might be contributing?”

Instead of:

“She clearly still needs a nap.”

Try:

“Without a nap she is becoming very distressed and is struggling to manage the afternoon. Could we trial offering her a short sleep and review how she responds?”

This is not about being an “annoying parent”. You are sharing relevant information about your child. Equally, nursery practitioners have a demanding job and may have practical or safety considerations that parents are not aware of. A respectful conversation allows both sides to explain what they are seeing.

Could better sleep education help?

Clear sleep policies and appropriate staff education can help early years settings navigate these conversations. Training can support practitioners to understand:

• how sleep needs change during early childhood;

• the difference between daytime tiredness and an ongoing need to nap;

• how daytime sleep can affect bedtime;

• signs that a child may not be getting enough sleep;

• individual variation between children; and

• essential safer-sleep practices.

It can also give parents a clearer understanding of why a nursery follows certain routines and which changes are—or are not—practical.

The most important principle

Your child does not have to sleep exactly like every other child of the same age.

Guidelines provide a useful framework, but the real question is whether your child’s current pattern allows them to obtain sufficient sleep, settle comfortably, wake reasonably refreshed and function well during the day.

Parents and nursery staff each hold a different piece of that picture. By gathering evidence, listening to one another and testing changes consistently, you can work together to find the routine that best supports the individual child.

Concerned that your child may need more, less or differently timed daytime sleep? Book a consultation with one of our sleep specialists for personalised guidance.